My Life so Far

I was born in the early 1960's, a middle child, growing up in sunny California. I was not quite a hippy child or part of the baby boomer era.  I guess you could say I fell between the cracks.  My dad told me that he named me after a black and white movie he watched that stared Gene Tierney and even to this day I really love that kind of film genera.    My mother was a stay at home mom during a time when most women were going out into the workforce.  She told me that a lot of women looked down at her for not having a career, but I thought my mom was the best and could do anything she put her mind to do.  You might say she was like a Martha Stewart but without the obsession of being perfect.  I think the little imperfections in life are what make us unique individuals.  My dad worked in the field of Engineering and loved to solve puzzles.  He loved numbers so well that he tried to figure the odds on the numbers from the lottery.  He did not win much but he sure loved trying.  He loved to work on projects and had his own work shop in the garage with brand names like Craftsman; he also tinkered on all the family cars and even had a garden with fruit trees and vegetables growing in the backyard.  Both my parents have always be hands on type of people which has rubbed off onto me.  I grow my own vegetables, make foods from scratch and still love doing DIY projects around the house.  My parents showed me that anything is possible if you just put your mind to it.  That is why I am a very optimistic person and I am very grateful to them. 

I guess if you looked at me growing up you might say that I had a very normal childhood.  For me I was shy and felt awkward as a child and did not feel like I fit into any group or social setting.  When it came to making friends I was always disappointed.  The friends I picked would only be friends only when they wanted me to be.  I would always end up sad and wonder what was wrong with me almost like I was on the outside looking in at what everyone else was doing.   So I would spend a lot of quite time in my room reading and listening to music.  In my older years I would understand people better and how there is a big difference about people that were acquaintances and people that I would call friends.  Most of my life I will know a lot of acquaintances from work to shopping at the grocery store.  I found out that if you don’t expect anything from people you will never be disappointed and that helped me a lot.  I enjoy those brief encounters with people that it helps me feel connected to the world in a lot of small ways.  Since I have been out in the work force for a while I can count on one hand the people that I can call friends.  Those are the kind of people that even if we have not talked or seen each other for a while can pick up where we left off without skipping a beat.  They take me for who I am and I love them for that.

I think college is where I really started to open up and find out all the possibilities of what I would like to do with my life.  Have you ever had someone ask you the question of “Why did you not ask for directions”?  How can a person ask for directions when you don’t even know that you were lost?  I grew up with not a lot of restrictions put on me.  My parents never pushed anything on to me like religion, politics or any kind of ethics.  It was like I came into this world having a strong sense of what felt right or wrong.  All through college I spent watching and studying, weigh the pros and cons and finally make my own choices about how I felt about things in life.  I felt like I was an observer watching and learning from whatever crossed my path like a Sage.  I finally realized after many years that the path I was on was a spiritual one.  Not the kind that has to do with religion but more of a connection with life and the universe.  The ultimate question of “How do I fit into this world”?  I know I have had my ups and many downs in this these times of economic downfall that it is so easy to get caught up in all the negativity.  I can say that I am finally working on me and how I fit into this world.  I am taking one day at a time, stopping to smell the roses and watching a sunset now and then.  I watched a bee the other day going from one flower to the next and it brought a smile to my face that spring was here.  The world is such a small place with what seems like a short amount of time we are here that I really want to be laughing.  I remembered that physically laughing out loud can bring your mood up and make anyone feel much better. 

All these simple little things make up who I am.  If I remember just those few things I will never lose my path again.    Then maybe the people that cross my path will remember how to happy in their live too.